In order to be a true bass snob to separate yourself from “the little people” (or to be an a**hole just for fun), one must practice the following 5 rules.<\/p>\n
All bass snobs must hate Fender in all forms. Here are a few lines you can use:<\/p>\n
“Fender hasn’t made anything good since [insert year of your choice here].”<\/em><\/p>\n “Nothing has been the same since Fender started building in the Corona plant.”<\/em><\/p>\n “I ‘grew out of’ Fender years ago and now play better instruments.”<\/em><\/p>\n Example: “I only have bass guitars manufactured from wood from which robins made nests in, because that adds life to the wood and makes for better tone.”<\/em><\/p>\n Example: “Listen, I hear what you’re saying, but seriously, I’ve been playing for 20 years and I know what I’m talking about.”<\/em><\/p>\n Now, of course, a smart person knows that it is totally possible for someone to do something wrong for 20 years and well beyond that. However, most people think “experience” = “smart”. Not always. In fact, rarely. But people generally don’t know that, so bragging about ‘experience’ solely based on how much time has passed and nothing else usually works.<\/p>\n You get bonus snob points if you blab about some event, such as, “I was at Woodstock.” Which<\/em> Woodstock? Doesn’t matter. It could even be the town of Woodstock, Connecticut<\/a> (hey, it counts!) And even if you never went, just lie and say you did. Who’s going to prove you wrong?<\/p>\n Example: “When I pluck the second string, I can hear a disparity in attenuation between the sonic tonality of the ambient sound compared to the paradigm of audio waves in the color spectrum of the sine waves, allegorically speaking. And anyone who can’t understand that just doesn’t know tone at all.”<\/p>\n For further reference, see Turbo Encabulator:<\/p>\n2. Make up useless “facts” that mean nothing<\/h3>\n
3. Brag about how long you’ve played<\/h3>\n
4. Use fancy-sounding words and phrases that make no sense at all<\/h3>\n