In order to be a true bass snob to separate yourself from “the little people” (or to be an a**hole just for fun), one must practice the following 5 rules.
1. Hate Fender
All bass snobs must hate Fender in all forms. Here are a few lines you can use:
“Fender hasn’t made anything good since [insert year of your choice here].”
“Nothing has been the same since Fender started building in the Corona plant.”
“I ‘grew out of’ Fender years ago and now play better instruments.”
2. Make up useless “facts” that mean nothing
Example: “I only have bass guitars manufactured from wood from which robins made nests in, because that adds life to the wood and makes for better tone.”
3. Brag about how long you’ve played
Example: “Listen, I hear what you’re saying, but seriously, I’ve been playing for 20 years and I know what I’m talking about.”
Now, of course, a smart person knows that it is totally possible for someone to do something wrong for 20 years and well beyond that. However, most people think “experience” = “smart”. Not always. In fact, rarely. But people generally don’t know that, so bragging about ‘experience’ solely based on how much time has passed and nothing else usually works.
You get bonus snob points if you blab about some event, such as, “I was at Woodstock.” Which Woodstock? Doesn’t matter. It could even be the town of Woodstock, Connecticut (hey, it counts!) And even if you never went, just lie and say you did. Who’s going to prove you wrong?
4. Use fancy-sounding words and phrases that make no sense at all
Example: “When I pluck the second string, I can hear a disparity in attenuation between the sonic tonality of the ambient sound compared to the paradigm of audio waves in the color spectrum of the sine waves, allegorically speaking. And anyone who can’t understand that just doesn’t know tone at all.”
For further reference, see Turbo Encabulator:
(One cannot have a bass without it having the ability to synchronize cardinal grammeters to prevent side-fumbling, after all.)
5. “One day, you’ll learn”
This is the best weapon in the bass snob’s conversational arsenal. If at any time someone calls you on the carpet for the bullsh*t you keep spewing out, just say, “One day, you’ll learn.” It always works.
Example:
Them: “Dude, you are so full of sh*t. Seriously. Why do you keep saying the wrong things over and over again?”
You: “I know what I’m talking about. One day, you’ll learn.”
There is no comeback for “one day, you’ll learn”. You, the snob, put yourself up on the pedestal by saying it, and absolutely nothing said to you can knock you off it. Keep saying it over and over and you always have the last word.
Them: “You are WRONG!”
You: “You go right on believing that. One day, you’ll learn.”
Them: “I have documentation PROVING you are wrong!”
You: “I’m sure you do. One day, you’ll learn.”
Like I said, it always works. Bass snobs are absolute masters of misdirection.
I am SO glad I’m not ANY of those, nor do I know any like that!
You mean just because I tool a karate lesson 30 years ago it does not mean I’ve been a martial artist for 30 years? How dare you!
no it just means you may not be a karate master just because you’ve been doing it for a long time
I hear what you are saying about martial arts, but one day you’ll learn
Oh! I’m sure, one day, you’ll learn.
Hipsters
I think there is also fair share of players that see the Fender Precision as the holy grail of basses and turn their nose up towards extended range basses.
Fender hasn’t made a good Precision since 1962.
I have been playing fenders for 30 years now and can confirm this.. fender’s use of the turboboost preamp and the railroad bridge have been good and they sounded very robustic rare however nothing compares to the intimity of the 61 secret model.. only a hand full of people, specially selected such as me have been able and play these basses and I can say it was incredible terrible awesome.. one day you will understand and learn what I am talking about
Sir, you are DA SNOB ))) congrats 😉
The Fender Precision is by far THE most powerfull sounding bass ever. Long live Fender.
One day, you’ll learn…..
That bass snob’s mustache rules…
alas, I cannot be a true bass snob as I will not consider my arsenal complete until I have a Fender Jazz bass.
Mmm…hate Fender? I only own Fenders. wouldn’t own anything else….
I like when someone tells you they’re “friends” with a bass builder. That usually means they emailed the builder and he answered their email. Or when someone tells you they have 30 high end basses…but can they PLAY any of them?
Fender hasn’t made a good guitar since 2014
On discussion forums the higher post count you have tends to equal “smartness”. It’s funny though that some of the biggest fools on TalkBbass have the highest count.
I have been playing fenders for 30 years now and can confirm this.. fender’s use of the turboboost preamp and the railroad bridge have been good and they sounded very robustic rare however nothing compares to the intimity of the 61 secret model.. only a hand full of people, specially selected such as me have been able and play this unique bass and I can say it was incredible terrible awesome.. one day you will understand and learn what I am talking about
Actually bass snobs only play Fenders (mostly boring old Jazz basses), and only 4 string basses. 😉
You forgot to add “Fretless”
I know a player in the #4 category. It’s all I can do not to smack him upside the head. 🙂
I guess I pass as a snob lol
The Musicman Stingray is the ultimate Fender bass. I’ve been playing one since 1976 so I know what I’m talking about.
You seem to be the only guy out of all these responses that makes any sense
I’m old and gray and Fenders I play 🙂 FOREVER!!!
Fender will outlive us all .Long Live Fender!!
I own an Alembic, does that make me a snob?
(I just happen to like it.)
Same here, I love my Essence… I do have a Fender Jazz too, though – and I love it too but not as much as the Alembic.
Anyway – does my militant hatred towards Warwick basses make me a snob, or just a person who can actually hear?
Just bought my 1st Fenders last year after playing since ’68 – 4 strings, no pick! 😉
I guess also because I have an Alembic(I just happen to like it) and it has 6 strings I’m probably really relegated to the snob sin bin!!
Funny, this sounds more like a classic fender through an ampeg dinosaur. lol.
I used to play fenders….then my girl got a job…now i have a 7 string bass made out of brazilian tigerwood with a built in graphic tranquilizer.
“Snob” is a person who pretends to be elite. There are better basses than Fender, but that is not the problem. There are NO BASS CABS that sound good enough for me, so I had a custom 15″ “Apollo” woofer made by John Janowitz of Acoustic Elegance and built my own cab. You guys don’t know tone because you have never heard it – except for maybe DI to flat headphones like Sennheiser HD590 with an external headphone amp.
Half you people are totally missing the point…..but someday, you’ll learn……
This could cover pretty much every job/pursuit in the music game. Substitute Mixing Console for Bass Guitar and Audio Engineer for Bass Player and a whole new world of BS opens up!